I am emotionally weak.
I cannot control myself.
I cannot control my emotional impulses and my actions.
I am only human... no. shut the fuck up and stop making excuses you piece of shit.
Urgh... They say your harshest critic is yourself. I guess that's probably true. Do you ever get those moments when your heart/chest/stomach has this sinking feeling?
The feeling that pretty much says "YOU. ARE. SO. FUCKED."? That's how I feel right now.
My first memory of this horrible feeling was during high school. Being the dumbass I was back then, I decided to do something really really stupid. While the teacher was away from the classroom (and I knew she wasn't coming back for a while), I pulled out my USB and played counterstrike on her computer in front of the whole class..
Then when she came back I quickly tried to hide my actions but the computer crashed and could not boot up. There was HSC work on that computer... This particular teacher then became very worried, saying things like "what the fuck have you done!?!?".. So she tried booting up the computer but it would not work.
That sinking "YOU. ARE. SO. FUCKED." feeling was so fucking horrible during that time.. thinking of the possibility of ruining a HSC student's work and getting my ass kicked.
But then the day after I found out that the computer had been fixed and everything was good, no damage done ^_^
Moral of the story: don't mess with shit you aren't familiar with.
..
So that leads me to right now, where I'm having that sinking feeling right now. Why?
A simple lack of self-control.
My unwillingness and inability to control myself and my actions/emotional impulses at a critical time such as this. Wasting time on meaningless and trivial things (such as... this... how ironic.) when I should really be focused on nothing else but studying my ass off for the finals.
Finals which start in under two days. Finals that I am hopelessly unprepared for. Hence, the current "YOU. ARE. SO. FUCKED." sinking feeling in my heart/chest/stomach and my self-hatred.
100% of my non-formal , non-athletic "everyday" shoes are from onitsuka tiger.
I might have problems..
but.... they're so nice D:
You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake
ReplyDeleteyou are the same decaying
organic matter as everything else
we are all a part of the same compost heap
we are the all-singing,
all-dancing crap of the world
you have to realise that someday you will die,
until you know that you are useless
Basically stop wallowing in self pity, get the fuck up and do something productive which in this case would be studying for your finals
It'll be just like cramming for the HSC kept its fully srs. Life will have ups and downs but you have to push past the negative to reach the positive. perhaps stop gaming and drinking for a while
Good Luck with them exams
1st exam was easier than expected :D
ReplyDeleteSee you got this mate keep on pushing forward
ReplyDelete